Back in June at the 2023 Polyglot Gathering in Poland, I invited Maria Spantidi to write a guest post on The Talking Ticket. My, did she deliver. Here’s her take on the dark side of language learning, which a lot of learners who have tried language learning online will relate to!

Learning a new language is akin to stepping into an enchanting new world of exploration of a new culture, a new set of sounds, and personal growth. 

However, beneath the surface of this thrilling adventure lies a dark place that many language learners — especially men — are blissfully unaware of.

In theory, it sounds perfect: you decide on a language and start learning it, exploring the vast availability of online learning apps and resources. Language learning materials, texts, videos, teachers, lessons, native speakers, everything is online waiting for you to try these things out. Language learning is hard work and takes time, but it’s easier than ever to find learning materials. At some point, you feel ready to start practising the language with native speakers.

What can go wrong? You may forget things, make mistakes, feel shy speaking the language, struggle to find words, and not always understand native speakers.

Is that all? I’m afraid not. It turns out, there are several extra hurdles you have to overcome, especially if you’re a woman. Let me explain.

I’m not really a language partner, part 1: looking for love

Excited to finally practise my target language with a native speaker for the first time, I downloaded a language exchange app.

As I was new and naïve not only to language apps, but apps in general, I used my first name as a username and a random photo of a landscape.

Messages started coming in droves. 

I was floored. Are there so many people wanting to learn my native language: Greek? It’s not the most popular and only 13 million people speak it.

It turned out that these people weren’t interested in practising my native language, or any language for that matter. They just wanted to flirt with me. Some of them even asked me for dates so that we could practise speaking together, which made absolutely no sense since we could do that online. Heck, I even received invitations to go to the movies or even come to their place “for a movie”! How that’s related to language practice is beyond me.

I thought the app wasn’t the best and deleted it to look for other, similar apps. 

Little did I know that app was no exception, but the norm.

Every app I tried seemed to be more like a dating app rather than a language exchange app. I thought, “Wait, what’s going on here? I just want to become fluent in my target language, not find love! There’s a time and place for everything. This is a language exchange app, not a dating app! There are other apps for that.”

I ended up changing my name to a gender-neutral one, using an image of a car as my avatar. I stopped getting much clutter and found some language exchange partners.

I’m not really a language partner, part 2: the teacher

Even when I took these counter-flirt measures, I discovered another type of person pretending to be language learners: teachers of my target language offering their services.

If I’d wanted to get a teacher, I’d have signed up for an app offering exactly that. But apparently, that’s not enough, and it’s a good idea to pitch to potential students in language exchange apps.

I understand that part of being a freelancer is the willingness to get yourself out there and sell yourself and your services. It’s inevitable, no matter what your niche is.

I received so many messages from teachers, though, that at times I felt like a customer entering a shop, but not the one I was looking for. The sellers in that shop were nevertheless very pushy.

I’m not really a language partner, part 3: the non-native speaker

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people willing to help in a language other than their own.

That is, if they have a good knowledge of the language and are genuinely willing to help.

Sadly, most of the non-native speakers I encountered didn’t meet the above criteria. They made mistakes in the language that were dead giveaways that they had a similar level as I had, if not worse. They just picked a popular language and used it to flirt with me or invite me to several shady projects.

Which brings me to the last category.

I’m not really a language partner, part 4: the scams

As a language learner wanting to practice with native speakers, you’re willing to:

• put yourself out there
• meet strangers
• chat with them to find conversation partners

That makes you an open-minded learner, willing to get out of your comfort zone and take a step further to improve your skills in your target language.

However, it also makes you the perfect prey for scammers.

Language apps aren’t like today’s social networks. That means there’s no 2-step authentication, no need to verify yourself, no need to provide extra information, an ID, an image of yourself, or your real name.

No wonder they offer the perfect environment for scams.

The result? People may message you asking for your information to join a private language learning chat room or inviting you to join special crypto groups or investment scams.

Sure, it’s the internet, so this is nothing new. But when you’re finally ready to take the extra step and chat with native speakers in your target language, it can get old fast and stop you from trying altogether.

What to do

All that shouldn’t deter you from looking for native speakers to talk to. It’s an awkward yet wonderful way to improve your speaking and listening skills and to get more comfortable using your target language.

This article is merely trying to prepare you for the extra challenges you’ll probably face looking for a language exchange partner online. But that doesn’t do the apps complete justice, as there are wonderful people out there genuinely wanting to help you practice their language and get help so that they can practise yours. Just like you.

There’s a dark side to everything, and language learning is no exception. But, in my experience, the positive things far outweigh the negative ones. There are pitfalls that require extra caution, but there are also opportunities that will take your skills and confidence to the next level.

Happy language learning!

Thank you to Maria for this refreshing piece! The wealth of knowledge Maria shares in Fluent for Free and her success in learning languages are proof that none of this is insurmountable; it’s simply a case of forewarned is forearmed 💪